She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
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