She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
