Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
