At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
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