i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
someone owes me an orgasm
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
