His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
