this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize