im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
