I got chris browned last night
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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