so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
