You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
My vagina just clenched in fear
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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