Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Operation Purity has been aborted
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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