well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
