I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
