Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Randomize
