You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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