Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize