The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
