Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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