she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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