Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Randomize
