the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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