i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
