I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i was born a porn star she said
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
