Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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