3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
