You smell like a Billy Joel song
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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