I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
