I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
