3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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