I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
