Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Still dying that you shit outside
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
