Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize