White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
