you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
