He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
