So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Bring me that man meat
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
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