I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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