i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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