I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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