It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
it glows. i had to have it.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Blow job season was short but glorious.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
