I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
