So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
