I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
