I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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