Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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