Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
