hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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