Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
