an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
You are a genius and a whore.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
