I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Randomize
