Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
