For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
