my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
