my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
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