My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize