I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
