We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
