Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
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