After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
