the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Randomize
