I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I think I sprained my soul last night
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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