is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
