At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
My day in three words: secret purse cake
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
