I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I have feelings that need drinking.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
