I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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