Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize