hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
