I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
BRING THE BAGELS
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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