when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize