I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
