I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
