My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
