I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Randomize
