it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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