in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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