He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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