Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I cut my penus on the lid.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
The feeling are messing with the penis
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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