I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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