Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
