I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
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