Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
