I wish i was in the wii world.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
