Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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