Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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