the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
