Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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