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• (704): View more from North Carolina

  dude, you're being a jerk.

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney

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• (714): View more from California

  You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that

  Fav 13 5051 1625

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• (207): View more from Maine

  No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.

  Fav 14 1708 4298

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• (914): View more from New York

  I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese

  (312): View more from Illinois

  Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?

  (630): View more from Illinois

  I love you bro

  Fav 10 3826 1088

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• (480): View more from Arizona

  Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.

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• (651): View more from Minnesota

  I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.

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• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....

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• (714): View more from California

  I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.

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• (980): View more from North Carolina

  good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend

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• (850): View more from Florida

  I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person

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• (651): View more from Minnesota

  I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..

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• (540): View more from Virginia

  I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.

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• (918): View more from Oklahoma

  So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?

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• (815): View more from Illinois

  He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.

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