Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
