It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize