I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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