I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
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