quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize