community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize