I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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