If that was your dad, he is hot
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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