I haven't been this sober since birth.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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