Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
