Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
