I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Randomize
