Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
