we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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