The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
We need to get me chipped asap
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
And then he peed in my hair
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