Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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