come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize