What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
We named our party play list daddy issues
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
