So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
