i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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