I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
no you cant smoke seaweed
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize